Pain

I’ve shared many a happy times in this blog. Most of my life is beautiful in so many ways. I am grateful. But to dig deeper and share my heart, hiding pain has become obvious by the last entry. I can write around anything and just smile – put up a pretty picture. But….

“At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it’s over and you’re relieved.”-John Green

So I am “pulling off the Band-Aid” and going to write about pain. Because I do not know where to put it, my pain. As logical and understanding as I am, I am struggling.

Pain is delivered in many different ways throughout life from when your young  ie;  My 10-year-old self-“help I fell down the slate-basement stairs face forward” to adulthood, ER Nurse: Push the button when the pain is above a 7″ (me-not taking finger off button for days).  That’s physical pain… had my share 10 fold care not to experience any of it ever again, the scars remind me.

And there’s other kinds of pain we do not want either, I mean really who ever asks for pain (never mind don’t answer I know some people do).

 The distance pain of not being close to people you care about, people who have moved away. The loss of someone in your life, people change. And death, now we are talking go out and get yourself some ink to remind yourself of that person – pain. I have the smallest dove, only 1 inch big to remind me of my Grandmother. The loss of her was the hardest thing I have ever been through  (until recently). Years later I still miss her. I miss her because she was so kind and had this beautiful smile. Unconditional love that woman had, I am so grateful she gave me – the gift of understanding it. The pain subsides but the longing remains for just one more minute.

Lets face it as adults, relationship pain can be just as bad as that pain of childhood.  Except in adulthood there is no one to tell you it’s going to be alright, wrap you in a blanket, make you soup, wipe your tears. You have to do it and remind yourself of all good and  believe it. It’s hard. Your logical and emotional mind are like enemies. Working against each other to get the win that day.  Pain and loss are a process and the steps are not easy .  I am in the beginning so it’s still right there. Raw. I don’t like this pain because it makes me feel different, hurts, makes me face some really tough things.

So I am here with my pain today and for a while I let it sit beside me. Let it really make me think and resolve some thoughts I had. I’ll drive with it, listen to music with it and try and figure it out…. I’ll get there… it’s going to be bumpy for a while. But I have faith.

A big hug would be nice right now.

This may not last, I might delete it, but for one minute I just needed to try and make some sense

I should’ve seen it glow
But everybody knows

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12 thoughts on “Pain

  1. I just read this. I’m in a quaint coffee shop in Austin — old school, new school — UTexas.

    Regarding pain: the difference between pain and suffering is dwelling on it. It’s not easy, for sure. It’s a practice before the big pain, then U hope ur ready — ready to accept reality and move on, accepting it. It’s not easy: it’s a daily practice.

    There is a blind lady here, with a Black Labrador that sees for her. She seems to be enjoying the company of her friends.

    The dog is patient.

    1. Agreed, thought about not even posting this entry and deleting it. But there is a very human side to blogging, most of use these as journals. I would not be honest if I only wrote about the good times, not just with you but with myself.

      I’ts going to take some time. It will be ok.

      Thank you for the perspective.

  2. Donna my hope is that whatever has caused you pain goes away quickly. You are a strong person and you will overcome this pain.

  3. Every Morning opens a new door, it’s healthy to never forget the past but one can’t dwell on it. Pain is just another emotion that helps us grow and become the person we are. Humanizes us!
    Pain is something I’m very familiar with, from physical to emotional. I try to use it in a positive way. Try!
    sometimes harder then others.

    My advise, get out on the water and de-compress! Hang in there

    1. I have to get on the water, yes. I appreciate this note, thank you. I did hike yesterday and that helped some.

      1. I am trying to stay positive and focused, working through it. Thank you for thinking of me. 🙂

  4. I have been reading your blog for a long time and this post really touched me!

    I am so sorry about your pain, pain is a terrible thing to have to live with and probably no one else can understand it like the person that is experience so I will not bother to say that I understand. My advice would be to leave this post up to help others that might read it to know that they are not alone in their pain either; and sometimes it just helps to write or talk about it… just getting it out there helps.

    While I can only give you a cyber hug, I hope that it might help in ever so small way to let you know that others do care!

    1. I will leave it up for a bit. Writing really seems the only way to get it out right now. Too hard to talk about. Thank you for taking the time to write that and caring.

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